Hole in my heart

I keep a hole in my heart for you.
I feel the emptiness.
The bulb of an hourglass draining,
A void,
Expanding ever outwards.
I know it’s time we can never get back.
But I’m comforted to know
That it’s time you will not miss.

I keep a hole in my heart for you.
A joy inverted.
A shadow of a memory.
A false nostalgia.
I feel the vacuum,
And dream about how I’d fill it.
Smiling quietly to myself
Through the loss.

I keep a hole in my heart for you.
But I see you clearly there.
Each skip, each word, each laugh,
Tinkling like shards of glass,
Falling down stairs,
Spitting and flashing
With glorious light,
As stars in the night.

I keep a hole in my heart for me.
A little ritual, a little penance.
I keep a hole.
Because I would not be me if I didn’t.
I keep it because it matters.
My heart has a hole,
I just want you to know.

So it’s been a while, life got a little on top of me (and still is to some extent) but I’m trying to write again. Anyway, after struggling to write quite a bit I’ve got back on it.

This particular poem is a complex one for me and perhaps self-indulgent. I’m estranged from my sister in law, and this means I have never met my niece, and possibly never will. I can’t really put into words how sad that makes me, but I try anyway. This poem is for my niece.